


We Build Then We Break

by SmoakingGreenArrow



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), olicity - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-20 03:32:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7388812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmoakingGreenArrow/pseuds/SmoakingGreenArrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The aftermath of the limo shooting; one month later, Felicity has to decide if she is going to let what happened change her. Oliver and Curtis both help her realize the kind of person that she is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Build Then We Break

Her patience was short. Her temper was even shorter. She was frustrated. She was scared and she was angry. And the fact that she had the most loving, understanding and patient support system behind her only added guilt and regret to the past month.

One month.

That was how long it had been since the ghosts attacked their limo. Thanks to a very discreet doctor and a lot of money, Felicity was, by all paperwork and most people were concerned, dead. Darhk seemed to believe it at least, since he’d kept his distance from Oliver ever since.

Felicity knew that those bullets could have hit Oliver just as easily as they hit her, so she didn’t mind having to play dead for however long it was necessary. She hid in the loft, or in the foundry, but no one besides their close team had seen her since they snuck her out of the hospital on a gurney, like a dead body. 

Felicity pulled her sunglasses, wig, and scarf off, already irritated at how hard it was to do while balancing on one leg. “Why did you bring me here? Someone might see me.”

“I have a present for you. And I sent everyone home today. Just look.” Curtis was smiling at her like a kid on Christmas, waiting for her reaction.

She just stared. “What is it?”

“It’s a brace, for you leg….so you can walk.” He held a tiny black metal box in his hand. When he hit a trigger piece, it fell apart and looked more like a leg brace.

“Curtis…”

“Felicity, just hear me out. It’s a brace on steroids!” He picked up the black metal contraption and pointed at a keypad, “This will be right on your thigh.” he began, “These buttons will tighten and loosen it, depending on what you need. And if you push this one, your knee will bend. This one here,” he pointed, “can test your sensitivity, it will see if you regain feeling, and it’ll be great when you’re in rehab. It can massage your leg, heat or cool your muscles, and help you stretch.”

He was still staring at her like a kid on Christmas morning.

“No.” Felicity said.

“Felicity, come on!" Curtis groaned, "I know you hate those crutches! And you hated that week in the wheelchair even more. This might actually help you…please just try it on.”

“Help me?” Felicity asked, her voice low. “My right leg is paralyzed, Curtis. I can’t feel anything and I will probably never walk on it again.”

“At least it’s not both of your legs.”

“ _Excuse_ me?" She asked, her breath catching at his insensitive tone. Out of everyone, obviously Oliver was the most gentle with her. But Curtis was a close second.

Thea took on an overly helpful approach, never leaving her alone. Diggle always tried to get her to talk about everything, and when she was rude to him, he’d just nod and try again the next day. Laurel was uncomfortable, but showed her compassion in her determination to find Darhk.

Curtis was the one who always took her shots in stride. When she snapped at him, he smiled. When she yelled, his voice got quieter. When he suggested making something like the brace…and when she threw a vase of sympathy flowers from Digg at his head, he ducked out of the loft graciously, saying he’d come back later. 

Of course Oliver handled her in a similar manner, but Curtis wouldn’t quit. He researched all day and night about paralytic people walking again. Oliver focused his energy on Darhk, on her safety, and on _her_ ; while Curtis devoted his time and attention to finding a way for her to walk again.

"I’m sick of it, Felicity!” Curtis yelled, his voice harsher and louder than she’d ever heard it. It got her attention. “Just stop!” He growled, banging his fist to the table. “I am so god damn tired of your pity party! You have people rooting for you! You have people who want to see you get better!”

“How dare you?” Felicity snarled through her teeth.

“ _How dare I_?” Curtis shouted, “How dare _you_! This isn’t you, Felicity! You’re not this angry, self-loathing, rude person! We’ve all been putting up with you because we love you, and because we know how awful that night was, and probably every night of the last month. But enough is enough!”

“Stop it!” Felicity yelled back. She paused, trying to calm down. "It hurts, Curtis.“ She finally finished, her voice shaky.

"What hurts?” He asked, working to control the volume of his voice.

“All of it.” She sighed, glancing away and blinking back tears. “Everything hurts. My body. My head…my _heart_.” She finished, gripping her chest as she blinked back tears.

“Don’t let this beat you down, Felicity. You’re so strong.”

“I’m not.” She shook her head. “I’m not!”

“Yes you are!” Curtis said, his frustration bubbling inside of him again. It killed him to see her like that, so discouraged and hopeless.

“Just leave me alone.” She said quietly, maneuvering herself into her chair and staring at her fingers on her desk.

Curtis gripped the table in front of him. “Get over it, Felicity.”

Felicity’s fingers froze, and then her eyes slowly lifted to see him. “Are you kidding me? I said drop it, Curtis! Get out!”

“No!” He snapped, slamming both of his palms to her desk, making her jump and tears spring to her eyes. Curtis ignored it, “Get over it! Pick yourself up like the strong woman that I know you are! Stop feeling sorry for yourself! Fight for it!”

Felicity shook her head as her eyes swelled with tears, knowing that he was right but refusing to listen, telling herself that he didn’t know what he was talking about.

Neither of them heard Oliver come in through Curtis’ shouting, but he pushed Curtis away from the desk. “That’s enough.” Oliver told him harshly, wanting to yell too, but knowing it wouldn’t help.

Curtis forced a laugh, “Yeah, I think it is.” He shoved Oliver’s hands away before looking back at Felicity. “You can only push people so far, Felicity.” He said calmly, sounding exhausted. She met his eyes, realizing that she was a big reason for him being so tired. She saw in his face how exhausting she was to deal with. The toll it must have taken on him to do all of that research, to invent the brace.

Curtis looked at Oliver, and then back to her, "He can only be your punching bag for so long before you have to start hitting the person you’re really mad at.“

” _Curtis_.“ Oliver warned sharply.

"Pick your head up and fight, Felicity.” Curtis continued, ignoring him, keeping his gaze trained on her. He put the brace on her desk in front of her, and she stared at it as he continued.

“You’re stronger than this. The people who love you deserve better. You can only keep this up for so long; this act, this attitude. Let it go. Let the anger and the pain _go_. Stop beating yourself up. Stop with the low blows to Oliver, to Thea, to your mom. People can only take it for so long, Felicity, before they realize that they deserve better.”

* * *

“Curtis was wrong,” Oliver assured her carefully as he held open the apartment door. Felicity crutched inside and plopped herself onto the couch, tossing her crutches aside. “We would never leave you, Felicity. You deserve to feel any way that you do. I’m not going anywhere.”

“He was right.” Felicity said sharply, taking off her sweater and shoes and not looking at him.

“No,” Oliver shook his head. “I’m not going anywhere.” He repeated.

“Oliver.” Felicity sighed, dropping her head in her hands. It was exhausting to be as miserable as she’d let herself be, probably just as exhausting as dealing with her. “Can you just…could you bring me upstairs?” Oliver hesitated, not knowing what to say to make her feel better. “Please?” She asked, closing her eyes and holding out her hands to him.

Oliver stepped quickly to her, crouching down and scooping her into his arms. It was the most touching between them in a month; when he’d carry her upstairs at night and downstairs in the morning. He’d gone to the trouble of making sure that everything she’d need was both upstairs and downstairs, so that she wouldn’t have to worry about getting up and down when he was gone. It was thoughtful. But she hadn’t said a word when he showed her where everything was, just crutched back to the couch.

Oliver set her on the edge of their bed. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead gently, feeling her relax beneath him. “I love you.” He said, ready to turn around and get ready for bed. He said it every day. Sometimes she mumbled it back, other times she stared at him like she didn’t quite believe it, and other times she’d just continue staring at the television.

Tonight she stared at him. It wasn’t disbelief going through her mind. It was astonishment, wonder, adoration. How a man like him could have so much patience for all of her crap. How a man who chased criminals and shot arrows into bad guys could sit silently beside her for hours. How Oliver Queen could swallow his pride and drop out of his campaign just to be with her. How The Green Arrow could take nights off just to keep her company. She didn’t feel like she deserved it. She didn’t think that she deserved love like that, especially after the hellish month she’d dragged him through.

But he still said it.

He couldn’t read her mind though, and he just saw the same cold stare that he was used to now. Oliver nodded. He silently smiled at her.

“I’ll love you for the rest of my life, Felicity. But one of the things that makes you who you are…is how much you love and respect yourself. You can take your time getting back to that, I meant it when I said I wasn’t going anywhere and I never will. Curtis is right about one thing though…you are one of the strongest women that I have ever known, and at some point you’re going to realize that, and you’re going to fight.”

She bit her tongue and swallowed the volatile comments that came to her mind. Because in many ways, Curtis opened her eyes. She wasn’t rude because she was angry at Oliver or anyone else. She was mad at Darhk, and at her situation. She was mad at her body, and her mind, which she easily related to being mad at herself.

She was afraid.

Both of her boys were right, though. She had to try. She had to fight. She had to want to walk again as much as everyone was rooting for her to. She didn’t want to let them down, but more than that, she didn’t want to let herself down by not fighting. She was a fighter, always has been. And after Curtis’ wake up call and Oliver’s gentle words, she was ready to get back in the ring. He kissed her fingers before leaving, and as he shut the door behind him, Felicity pulled out Curtis’ brace.

She was afraid.

Part of her wanted to call Oliver back in to help her but a bigger part of her needed to do this for herself. She stood up, taking a deep breath and using the bed for support as she unbuttoned her pants and pulled them off.

Felicity pulled the brace into place before she hesitated for a long moment. The metal was cold against her fingers, but she couldn’t feel it at all on her leg. She took another deep breath, staring at the ceiling as she slowly pushed her foot to the floor. She lifted her hands from the bed, putting all of her weight on her legs.

The brace held steady, and Felicity slowly turned to look in the mirror. She stared at herself, realizing that the strangest thing about her appearance wasn’t the brace or the awkward way she was standing. Her eyes fell on her face before she even noticed her leg. She had dark circles under her eyes, her mouth was turned downward, and her cheeks were pale and hollow.

Not wanting to look anymore, she let her eyes fall down her body, resting on the black contraption around her leg. Felicity took her third shaky breath since she decided to start fighting. Staring at her unfeeling leg, she took a step forward. Her paralyzed leg dragged as she tried to move it. She took another step, and then used her hand to lift her leg and step into place.

A small smile played at her lips. It wasn’t nearly what she wanted; it was sloppy and ungraceful, but it was a start.

The door opened and Felicity spun her head around to see Oliver. He stared at her for a moment, surprise written all over his face. And then his eyes fell down her body, over the tank top she wore, over her underwear, and rested on the black brace. Felicity turned away, unsure under his analyzing eyes. But the mirror was there. And she could see the look on his face through it.

His jaw was clenched. His eyes were focused. Felicity shifted, and he glanced up at her. He looked embarrassed, like he’d been caught staring at something he shouldn’t.

It took her a moment to realize that he hadn’t been staring at the brace. He hadn’t been admiring her effort or her strength. He was staring at her wound. The one at the bottom of her spine and the one on her right leg.

“Felicity,” he smiled slightly, “Look at you.” He said, faintly proud, but still a sadness in his tone.

“Perfect combination, huh?”

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

“The bullets. One in the spine to paralyze me, one in the leg to make sure that even if the doctors fixed me up, I still wouldn’t get feeling back.”

“Felicity, you’re _standing_ right now.”

“I’ve kept these scars hidden so that I wouldn’t have to see that look on your face.”

“What look? Felicity, you’re amazing. This is incredible.”

“That shocked, mildly disgusted look in your eyes that you have right now.”

“I would never be disgusted by you. That’d be kind of hypocritical, don’t you think? Considering you’re dating a man with scars on eighty percent of his body.”

“It doesn’t mean mine aren't gross. Oliver, it’s fine.”

“Felicity, stop. How could you even think like that? I don’t care about your scars. If anything, they’re just a reminder of how strong the woman that I’m in love with is. How beautiful you are. You’re standing! And I am so proud of you. Enjoy this. Please, enjoy this with me.”

His tone was almost pleading. Felicity closed her eyes, inhaling slowly. “I’m sorry,” she breathed. She opened her eyes, “I’ve been a real bitch lately.”

Oliver chuckled, taking a few steps closer and stopping behind her. She waited for him to put his arms around her, but he didn’t.

Her first thought was that he didn’t want to because of the still red and purple wounds on her back and leg. And then she pushed the thought away and remembered the few times after the hospital that he’d tried to touch her and she’d nearly bitten his head off like a rabid dog. She sighed, trying to let even those regrets go.

It wasn’t irreversible. He loved her and she knew she could fix it.

Felicity reached around and grabbed his hands, pulling him the last step until his chest was pressed to her back. She rolled her head back and onto his chest, taking in the familiar and comfortable scent of him. There was a slight pain as his body pressed to the scar on her spine, but she ignored it, distracted by the feeling of his warm body encircling hers.

How had she pushed this away for an entire month? How had she not wanted him to touch her, to let him heal her just by listening to his heartbeat under her ear like this?

Guiding his hands, she helped him touch her body, running his palms up her sides, over her ribs and down her stomach. She twisted her fingers to his as he grasped her hips.

Oliver took over, leading their hands down her legs. Oliver touched the soft skin of her thighs, his fingers ghosting over her scar, knowing that she couldn’t feel it but being careful anyway. “You’re perfect,” he murmured, dropping his lips to her ear.

Felicity turned in his arms, letting him steady her wobbly movement as she freed her hands from his. Felicity took his face between her hands. “I love you.” She said gently. “So much." She took a deep breath. "And I’m so sorry,” she apologized, her voice shaking slightly as he watched water fill her eyes. “You all deserve so much better than the way I’ve been treating you.”

Oliver shook his head, “There’s no need to apologize, Felicity, there’s nothing to forgive. I love you more than anything in the world, and I would do whatever it takes to make sure that you’re okay. I just want you to be happy.”

“I’m getting there.”


End file.
